The Madness of Untitled Amie

You know, the older I get, the more I realize that I'm totally insane.

This realization isn't a result of getting wiser with age, although I suppose that's inevitable for most people. No, the older I get, the more I do crazy things.

While some people have skeletons in the closet, I have an ever growing stockpile of bats in my belfry. They just keep multiplying, like rabbits.

Or rabid bats?

Ever hear about that study that was done by some nameless research group who concluded that the mind of a true artist works more like that of a schizophrenic than the mind of the regular person? I guess it has something to do with, among other things, being able to see regular everyday objects through brand new eyes over and over again.

From my own experience, it also appears to involve being incapable of choosing logic over emotion.

Like a child.

Acting first, and thinking later, as it were.

But my hindsight is fairly accurate. I always know what I should have done, after the damage has been inflicted.

I'm working on a strategy in those regards. Basically, whatever I think I should say or do, I should just do the opposite, and then I will be more like the regular person, and thus, less impulsive. Less destructive, less offensive, less embarrassed, less like me.

But that's so unnatural.

Sometimes that "useful" filter is more like horse blinders, or tunnel vision.

And it's not like everything I do ends in disaster. Sometimes I'm capable of completing an impulsive act with utter success. Sometimes my lunacy actually helps others, and myself too.

Lately, one of my biggest problems has to do with the subjective need to level with people. To clear the air where it doesn't necessarily need to be cleared.

This has happened at least three times over the past month, and with disastrous results for the most part.

I learned that not everyone is as altruistic as they sometimes should be, according to me, once again subjective.

I also learned that I can be referred to as both "disgusting" and "noble", all for the same action, depending on the perspective of the observer.