Bowzer Sucks

Know what I really miss?

Super Nintendo.

I had one a few years ago, which was wicked, but then it busted. Understandably, it was about 15 years old, ancient for the world of technology.

What I wouldn't do for some Super Mario Land/World/World3, or even Mariokart.

My roommate and ex boyfriend and I would take turns playing against each other in Mariokart. I would be Yoshi, Roommate would be Mushroom, and Ex would be Luigi. Or was it Mario?

As far as abilities went, Roommate and I were on par with each other, and Ex was way better. He was three years younger than I, two younger than Roommate, and therefore, spent more of his childhood playing Super Nintendo, thus giving him the mad skills to beat our asses on a regular basis.

Ex was both a sore winner and loser, so on the odd occasion that he lost, we totally had to rub it in.

We invented our own slang for the games.

When you bang into a wall and can't turn around, it's called "clamming".

And when you have a hard time gaining momentum after you clam, and are lurching forward at an awkward pace, it's called "clam chugder".

We had a special curse, which was "Doom of Death". As in "Get ready, Motherfucker, it's the Lightning Round and you're gonna get the Doom of Death." But we never used that particular sentence. Just speaking the phrase "Doom of Death" was threat enough.

Those were the only terms we invented.